Donald Trump as Vegetable

Orangeness 10: The Big Turnip

Whenever I see the word “Trump,” it looks like “Turnip” to me. And, y’know, that Trump person who’s all over the news kind of looks like a large root vegetable, the rutabaga who for whatever subterranean dirty reason is running for the Presidency. Well you know about me and vegetables, so what is it with Rutabaga that appeals to so many people? They say it’s because he allows people to think and say nasty things and get away with them. “He’s not a politician, he tells it as it is.” Really. This is your role model? I lived with someone just like that for all of my young life, my father that is, he ran his mouth just like Turnip but didn’t have the advantage of being filthy rich which excuses all bad behavior. There isn’t much I can say about Turnip that hasn’t been said before, especially since he’s playing us all with calculated advancements of schtick that titillate the media in vibratory doses. Yes, he’s a vegetable with an electric info-dildo that causes frenzy and even violence, while he looks on sucking it up. 

The info-dildo’s stimulation, of course, comes from the energy of burning info-garbage which I elaborated on in the previous Orangeness post. When you burn info-garbage you get a toxic pollution of burning media fumes and an overload of smokin’ emotion. Because this is how Turnip is the root of our current culture of emotional whipping. Check out your buzzwords! Jaw-dropping! Eye-popping! Shocking! (Number 7 will astonish you!) Stunning! You need to see this! You’ll never believe what happens next!  He can keep you rolling and remember, all attention during a campaign is good attention. Wouldn’t I love to have that amazing dirt-proof quality, that no matter what I did or said, my followers would still be thrilled with me. But do I really want to be a celebrity? Do I really want to eat vegetables so that I could generate more methane for my info-garbage trash fires? Or perhaps, in some jaw-dropping turnaround, Turnip will finally fall into the boiling pot and get mashed.